>The Power Behind Jeremy’s Bipolar: Becoming Friends with Both Sides- Part 1

>Jeremy is a bit of a ‘bipolarORwakingUP’ success story, but of course, I can take only take a tiny part of the credit. As I’m learning from all of the people that write me with their stories of healing their bipolar disorder, my work on YouTube is just one more nudge in the right direction. As you will read, Jeremy, like so many others diagnosed ‘bipolar-for-life’ stopped listening to the noise outside and started honoring his inner spirit. And for Jeremy, his spirit was saying, “Dude, you gotta get your house in order!’ Here is the first except from his blog at http://lotuswork.wordpress.com/

I want to tell my story, but not for a high five or a kudos. It is not to get an “atta-boy” or a pat on the back. I want to tell it because it is time to look at the view atop the mountain that I have been climbing for over ten years. I want to tell it because I hope that maybe someone is looking for a glimmer of hope no matter what DIS-ease your body is telling you. My story is meant to be told for my own well-being and it is my last step to fully embrace it.

Our society has a carved out the mental disorders as something that needs to be suppressed and fixed. However, our solutions are not perfect. It started for me in college during a time when most push themselves to the brink by partaking in activities that may be foreign to many. I was no stranger to this. I stayed up late during the week studying and then partied hard on the weekends. My diet consisted of an incomplete breakfast, a lunch of more carbs, and pizza or some other unhealthy choice. There was no salad or pure, raw foods mixed in anywhere.

My only exercise was walking to class (took the bus for the long walks) and lifting kegs. I never learned the art of quieting the mind, so I turned to TV to help. My way of coping with any stress was to shove things in my body such as alcohol, food, and other dangerous chemicals. I was pushing myself to the limit in the wrong direction.

My stress levels intensified as the semesters came and went until my spirit finally had it. My body, mind, and emotional well being were pushed to the brink. There are many theories about WHY someone has a manic experience, but to me it was simple. My spirit said, “If you can’t change, then I will help you.” My body was in one place, my mind in another, my emotions were out of wack, so an explosion took place. It was a recipe for mania. I know that anyone in the same circumstances would have a similar experience.

I will skip over all the years of medication and hospitalization that I endured in the beginning of this. I was told that I would have to be on medication for the rest of my life and there was no cure. Funny thing is that I was a psychology student and read all about this the semester before. I remember thinking that I shouldn’t believe it. I heard that most people who were diagnosed this way, don’t believe they are sick. Well I was sick, but relying totally on medication and the doctors was not the complete way to regain my health.

I am not condemning all the wonderful doctors and nurses that helped me along the way. I am not condemning the medications that I chose to take. They all helped me to get to where I am today. Although, I felt like I was giving my power away. We all have the power to return to homeostasis if given the chance.

I really owe much to my family because they always stuck by me even when I was unbearable to watch or be around. I AM blessed to have such wonderful support in my transition to health.



>A nice riff from one of my friends on http://www.newlightbeings.com

I had a mortality dream last night. In it I crashed twice..Once at the Humane Society where I use to work and I am not sure where the other one was. When I crashed I called my mother just to hear her voice. In the other I was driving, surrounding me were many dangerous people…I worked hard to get my life in order, non stop. I am in a car and turn around and park the car, there are people and animals crossing the street. I just want to stop working so hard and be with the animals for a while. I am near the ocean with rocks and see my Sydney cat who has now passed on, in the dream he is a kitten, in life I bought him and his brother with hopes of someday having a house and yard for him to play in, my relationship with Kevin never got that far, last year we put Sydney to sleep, he was old and sick. I saw him as a kitten, he was climbing on the rocks…”don’t go yet Sydney!” I called out to him afraid he would fall.

It’s more than just working hard. When I was a teenager I worked hard to try to analyze human relationships, why people differ, human conflict and love to the point of having a nervous breakdown. I was in the hospital because my mind took a life of it’s own. I could escape it but couldn’t “use” it. I programed it to find the answer and like a computer it wouldn’t stop. In the silence behind the chaos I communicated without language with a higher aspect of love, I said this path is too hard for me. I want to give up and come home. It told me I had more choices than that. I could go the path of being considered insane. That was an option. Then others would take care of me but I would loose my freedom. I said if I did that the message I had to bring would not be shared. It said, then you need to learn very quickly how to listen in silence and it would lead the way. I said yes and it continued to show me things that go unseen.

From that moment on that has always been my highest authority. And one of the greatest things it made known to me was when to give my attention to something and share perceptions and when to hold my thoughts about a matter. While friends around me went into paths that created life times for them in jail, life times for them on welfare, life times as alcoholics and addicts and parents continued to never have peace between each other…I had to walk a sure path to stay out of the tides, all the while doing so without a mind that functioned correctly.

It showed me that part of my mind was damaged but it was ok, that I had another part and could lay new tracks in it. And it showed me how. It was long hard work. Sometimes I still do not remember names of things but I can communicate. Sometimes I wonder if I had a stroke back then. Anyways…

I was inspired to show my work of art. The other day when coming back from Arizona feeling down about not having anything to share for all the hard work I have done…I pulled together some scraps of art and feelings and put them into a video with music. I have things I want to share with others that to me connects us to both our human nature and the place of eternal love that we are forever part of, but always feel very hesitant; the not sharing advise has kept others from attacking me. . While all around me people get themselves into trouble and loose their freedom; their ability to see that they create the reality that they are living in, I have managed to take responsibility for every aspect of my life. I own my own home and business and have time to be with the silence that guides me. That is why I am hesitant to share. I don’t want anyone to misunderstand my intentions.

Yesterday on the way home from work I hear about the officer who’s entire life will now be gone because of one email he sent. One defining moment. I have things to share with others that could be of some value. But I am always hesitant of others using what I give against me. So I am and always have been very cautious. It is my hopes that if my thoughts here ever reach eyes and minds that do not remember that we are all connected and that we are here to support each other not tear each other down for our own gain, it is my hope that they remember that in their own lives, we all are given a choice to do out of selfless love or selfish destruction. And choose love.

With this link I share with you, not for a personal desire for you to admire my work of art, or me, but in hopes that it brings you to a place above your thoughts and closer to the eternal silence behind the words, the place of everlasting light behind the trials of our lives.

This video shows the trials of life and love lost, but also of eternity of love and the soul. It is my hopes that you be connected in awareness to the eternity of love through whatever circumstances you need to experience for the learning of your soul. To remember that the only thing we can be sure of is change in life and the immortality of our consciousness.

(contains brief nudity in art form, please do not watch if you find that offensive or you are under age).