First I have to thank you for your videos on YouTube. I am a 44 years old man, and I have had the same experience as you. I have had two manias, last summer and in February, 2006. I think that those manias were the best things that have ever happened to me in my whole life.
Have you read Eckhart Tolle’s books? Both of my manias began when I read his material. I really felt how the present moment of love, joy and happiness landed in my life.
Marko from Finland
My first Finn! That closes Scandinavia…3 in Norway, 1 in Sweden and now you!
Thanks for writing. It’s amazing that Tolle’s work triggered your psychosis.
A few questions for you….
Do you feel that you are completely through your experiences now,
or do you worry about a relapse?
Are you medicated?
Did you have any fear?
I am your first Finn, great!
As for your questions…
Do you feel that you are completely through your experiences now?
Or do you worry about a relapse?
I don’t worry about a relapse, because I have found me – and killed my ego. My old ego-life is over and now I am life, this is glorious!
I think, that almost everyone is insane (but it isn’t their fault!). They don’t see that my mania was a blessing and not curse. When you are bipolar, you are blessing and chosen…
Are you medicated?
No, absolutely no! I’m a psychiatric nurse by profession and I have always been against medicine treatment.
Did you have any fear?
Ego is already dead, I don’t fear…
Here is my story…
First, about my background, which is not really me, anymore – it was my ego.
I was the manager of a treatment home for drug-addicts, so, naturally I have met a lot of bipolar patients…and now I am one of them! 😉
I think having a manic episode is very similar to what people are looking for when they take amphetamines or other drugs. People want a better world.
Now to my story…
I have had two manic periods and I think that those manias were best things that someone could get from this world.
Two times my beautiful manic, “healing”- processes were interrupted by the police force and nurses. I hope that never happens again! My manias were spiritual occurrences and I am sure that they had a purpose.
What would we be without doctor’s and med’s?
My first mania began in February, 2006 when my winter holiday started. This period lasted about two months. During that period, I decided, that I would only be!
No plans, no calls… I wanted peace and rest.
I have already told you about Eckart Tolle’s book, “Power of Now” and I had already bought his book before my holiday. It was a surprise how his book effected me.
I recommended this book to everybody…and in my opinion, bipolar disorder and other mental diseases are: A way for humans to send more money to the medical industry!
I took pleasure in reading that book. I felt that this was what I really needed. I felt presence and I wanted to be present. Every word was something different and effected strongly.
Assisted by Eckhart, I meditated, and a new world opened within me (I didn’t know, that Eckart would write the “New Earth” volume). I felt how my body and mind became stronger and stronger. I understood that my Self isn’t the same as I. My Self is actually my Soul, and my I, the Ego, was the delusion.
What is reality?!
Ego focuses only on the Past and the Future, while being fully Present is its poison (if you are worried about your Ego’s well-being. 🙂
When I meditated by closing my eyes without any thoughts, I saw darkness, and somewhere in the middle of this darkness came out light. This light was so brilliant and sharp, but at the same time gentle.
The light came into me…and I felt heavenly LOVE.
While I am writing this…I don’t know, I felt emptiness. I love everything and everybody…
LOVE is not feeling, it is consciousness…
I now know, that Death is joke.
After this experience my whole life felt very different.
I felt no sorrow, hate, fear – only joy! – Life is good.
The Timeless Time
My idea of time has been changed. I thought that it was a reason for why my level of the energy was so high. When past and future was out of my life, I had only the present moment. I thought that if the human idea of time means to partition in three parts (past, now and future) and we live in “three-headed-time” – that it was a very unsatisfying life.
When past and future are removed we get 66% more energy!
I still have the same view, but I understand that is an impossible idea most of people. But, we can be more present in the moment and stop the continual thinking process.
So I got into timeless time by the moment. The moment is the gate to consciousness. However, nobody understood me and I was taken to the hospital, as my thoughts had become too unfamiliar to other people.
My manic diagnosis had been based on the idea of Timelessness and my behavior changed a lot because of that idea. However, I was on holiday! I was free man!
How did I get into timelessness?
I stopped thinking and I used my mind only as an instrument. My mind didn’t rule my thoughts and behavior because “I am” observed ego and ego’s emotion (body’s thoughts) without criticism…
My soul (=I am) was boss and my ego would soon be dead.
Maybe I was (am) out of my mind but I was (am) not insane…
A few experiences of the timelessness (mania’s?):
– JOY OF LIFE
– All of your senses work at their peak
– All doing is EASY and you enjoy everything, nothing felt like work
– Your energy level is high
– Creativity is top
– You know that death is a joke. You live forever!
– You have the same feeling as if you have been in an accident: Time stops!
– Think about it, time loses its meaning.
– In one small moment you see your past life as a film.
– You have internal silence – connection to consciousness
– Your soul manages your life and your ego will collapse (it is glorious!).
– You can do things that you couldn’t do before
(like playing piano, painting…for example)
– You see beauty in nature; you are part of it and more.
– “You are dance and life is dancer” (Eckhart Tolle; A New Earth).
– Emptiness is part of the universe and the other way around
– You know that you are not insane; you are in Heaven but Here at the same time.
– You see the imperfection of society
– You know what your body needs and addictions disappear.
– Some things do feel very repulsive and you learn to accept them without condition.
– And so on…
You have not talked about any of details of your behavior that people hospitalized you for. Could you provide a few details?
I could tell you little story about Love…when Love came and I know (!) it was very unusual behavior, but I didn’t have any choice.
I am Love
I didn’t need sleep but consciousness ordered that I go to sleep.
My whole body was shining and I was full of energy when I close my eyes. I slept very quickly and dreamed about goodness and badness. That was a very strange dream and when I woke up I trembled.
Inside of me was badness and love which struggled each other. I didn’t sleep anymore but I saw badness and goodness inside of me. I struggled now, awake and the price was my soul.
This was night what I never forget! I was being tested by consciousness and I was fully unprepared. My ego and soul were at war with each other. It is impossible to explain…
Anyway I had to yell very loud many times: I AM LOVE!
My voice was scary and it sounded very different than usual. Every time, when I yelled “I AM LOVE” it included different levels of love because of the voice. The Voice was every time different and it included feelings (desperation, tenderness, suffering, joy, hope…).
This wasn’t a test if I wouldn’t have lived in a block of flats and it was night !
In the morning I got a text message to my neighbor and she told me that some man was in my home and that man has yelled “I am love”. (My car was in a garage and she assumed that I wasn’t home). I answered: I AM LOVE!
And other unusual behavior
I crashed my car because I had been forced to do that! This was ego’s car… I raced very fast in the winter, as God commanded me. After the accident I was quite calm and called a tow-truck. The accident didn’t bother me at all.
I bought an electric piano (also a saxophone and a guitar) and I have not played any of those instruments before. However, I played very well because of the connection of with consciousness. People who didn’t know me before, liked my playing – relatives closed their ears…it was impossible for them that I was able to play. I played very well if the listener trusted my music…
I heard very beautiful music, like angels would be played it.
I was sure (first mania) that I died and woke up. This is long story…
I made ape noises to my wife and she called the police out of fear.
I drank lot of water (even ten liter/day) and ate salt.
I believed that I was a healer…
I sang songs, which nobody had ever heard before
And so on…
It seemed that I was insane…
Thank you for sharing that remarkable story. It really illustrates the deeply spiritual dimensions of your awakening and how difficult it is to work through these experiences within the confines of our civilization. How can we possibly process our experiences when we are not even allowed to scream!
Final Thoughts from Marko….
Where are holy men and women?
These days, most of the holy men and women live in the mental hospital. Their spiritual development towards enlightenment has been interrupted by medication. I talk about depression as well mania and other mental disorders. Mania is part of every mental disorder at some stage; it is the confirmation of your holiness or at least the possibility of it.
If you accept med’s you accept that you are insane – until then you eat them.
For example, depression is the message that something has to be changed. What are most people doing? They go to the doctor and doctor prescribes med’s or they are forced in the mental hospital because of the risk of suicide. And with that, the possibility for change has been lost.
When you accept your depression without medication you have the possibility of getting to know mania as well. Once you totally accept the depression, the miracle will happen!
I know this is very hard talk if you are depressed – but it is the way to get the mania, which will heal you….
In the old days, they used crucifixion and inquisition if somebody was a rebel (=manic). Nowadays the medical industry performs that job. The psychiatrists and doctors are tools of it and nobody can do anything. The world is insane!
Fortunately some people have avoided forced medication, Eckhart Tolle, for example. He was very deeply depressed before the enlightenment, and after that spiritual experience he walked along the streets with a happy expression on his face (I suppose). It was lucky that nobody called an ambulance!
I hope that we (who have the bipolar diagnosis) will soon be able to heal in peace….then this world will be a better place to live – “A New Earth”.
I think that we (bipolar) should take care of each other during mania periods, otherwise our society will do it for us, and their only treatment is medication. The paradox is that close relatives worry about you, but they fear about the future and shame on the family.
And if you have been to the mental hospital once, the address is very clear!
Maybe I have the inclination to get into the mania when I am in the present moment. Being present is the only sure way towards consciousness, and mania (as a diagnosis) is only a symptom. Psychiatry is based on the supposition that you need treatment if your behavior is to be changed.
It is a very dangerous change…
Finally, the manic behavior is typical of just holy men or women 😉